


You too, Me too, and Other Ways to Confess

by spn1dneedit



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Unrequited Love, or so they think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 19:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21343261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spn1dneedit/pseuds/spn1dneedit
Summary: All of the losers are in love with Bill. Bill is in love with all of the losers. It should be just that easy, but it isn't. Three hard to navigate conversations the losers have, and one somehow harder game of truth or dare.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Ben Hanscom, Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom/Eddie Kaspbrak/Beverly Marsh/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon/Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 16
Kudos: 231
Collections: Poly Losers Club Fic Exchange





	You too, Me too, and Other Ways to Confess

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a gift to polylosersclub on tumblr as a part of the Poly Losers Club Fic Exchange, written for their prompt: Hurt/comfort with Bill in the center, before they all started dating, they realize they all have a crush on Bill. (bc of course I'd pic the only angsty prompt lmao)
> 
> Things to know: At the beginning of the fic, Mike/Eddie, Richie/Stan, and Bev/Ben are all couples. They're 23/24 and pennywise does not exist bc i hate that dude

“Hey, Mike…” Eddie stands against the door frame, one foot in their bedroom and the other out. Mike’s heart is in his throat the moment he sees him.

“What’s going on?”

“I kinda need to tell you something.” He doesn’t move from the door, in fact, he presses his body against it, like if he gets close enough, he’ll become a part of the house and cease to exist as a person who is about to say something devastating. 

“So then come over here and kinda tell it to me.” Mike tries to smile, patting the empty space next to him in the bed. Eddie looks sick at the thought of being that close to him. Mike flinches.

“I…” Eddie doesn’t move.

“You…” Mike’s fingers clench the cool sheets.

“I’m so sorry.” Eddie blinks his eyes a few times fast, as if trying not to cry, but tears still fall down his cheeks. His face is etched in something plain and bare, but Mike still has trouble making it out. Guilt? Sadness? Regret? Fear? The absolutely gut-wrenching combination of them all?

“Sorry for what?”

Eddie looks down at the floor and shakes his head. Mike pulls back the blanket and gets out of bed, crossing the room in a few strides and pulling Eddie into him. Eddie doesn’t hug him back, but he doesn’t pull away, either. Mike doesn’t know if that brings him more relief or hurt.

“Sorry for what?” He repeats into Eddie’s hair, and his blood is racing so hard and fast and his heart is beating so loud, Mike worries for a second he won’t be able to hear when Eddie says what it is, but no.

“I think I’m in love with someone else.” Mike hears it perfectly. A tear he didn’t feel forming drops from his eye onto the top of Eddie’s head. A million questions race through his head.

Who is it?

For how long?

Who is it?

Has Eddie cheated on him?

Who is it?

What are they going to do?

Who is it?

Why doesn’t he feel as betrayed as he thinks he should be?

“Who is it?” Mike’s voice is a whisper, but his thoughts are screams. His throat burns as he swallows all the other questions down, trying to shove them below the heavy knot forming somewhere between his throat and chest.

Eddie finally reaches up and hugs Mike back. His body shudders from stifled sobs. Each one reverberates through Mike’s chest and cracks his ribs, each broken breath another snapped bone until Mike’s unable to breathe or move and he’s in such immense pain that he’d rather crumble and fall and leave it all behind than live another minute in this agony.

He keeps his arms locked around Eddie through it all.

“Who?” Mike’s voice is garbled from unshed tears. Eddie hears him loud and clear, tightening his hold on him for a minute, then taking a step out of Mike’s arms and into the hallway, completely out of their bedroom.

“Bill.” Bill? Bill. Bill. Bill Denbrough. Eddie’s best friend. Mike’s best friend. Bill. Bill. Big Bill. Billy. Bill. _His_ Bill. _Their _Bill.

“Bill?” Mike tries to look at Eddie, but the shorter man won’t look up from the floor. Mike gently forces his chin up to force him to make eye contact. When he finally gets Eddie to look at him, he raises an eyebrow. It’s easier than speaking.

Eddie nods.

“For how long?” Mike can’t help the question. Him and Eddie have been together five years. Had Eddie been in love with Bill the whole time? Was Eddie in love with Bill when they had their first time, or when they moved in together? Was Eddie thinking of Bill on all of their dates, wishing it was him there instead?

Was it a new thing? Did Bill worm his way into a space in Eddie’s heart Mike failed to fill himself? Did Eddie feel the spark in their relationship fade and a new one alight with Bill out of nowhere? Was it Mike’s own fault? Did he do something to push Eddie away?

“I don’t know,” Eddie looks behind Mike now that he can’t look down, “Forever, maybe.”

It’s like Mike’s heart is getting ripped out of his chest. He automatically wishes he hadn’t asked at all.

Forever.

Eddie had been in love with Bill forever, and still he spent five years making Mike fall in love with him. Eddie had been in love with Bill forever, and still every time Mike said “I love you”, he said it back like it was the truth. Eddie had been in love with Bill forever, and still didn’t tell Mike until now.

Mike let’s his hand fall from Eddie’s face. They aren’t touching anymore, no connection at all.

What does he do? How do they move on from this? Eddie is in love with someone else and now Mike is standing in the hallway of their apartment watching him cry. He wants to be angry, feel a rage that will take over and consume him faster than the sadness. He wants to yell at Eddie and tell him to leave and ask him ‘how could you?’, but he can’t.

Mike can’t feel hurt, or angry, or betrayed because he—

“I love you, Mike. I love you so fucking much.” It doesn’t make sense. Eddie said not even a minute ago that he was in love with Bill, that he had always been in love with Bill, now he’s saying he loves Mike again.

“You just said—”

Eddie hiccups another sob and faces Mike all on his own. His cheeks are pink and lips unbelievably red. Mike fights the urge to pull him back into a hug.

“That’s- God, that’s what I’m trying to fucking say. I’m in love with you, Mike! So fucking in love with you, you don’t even get it. But… But I think I’ve always been a little bit in love with him, and lately it feels like something, I don’t know, it feels like something snapped, and I can’t get him out of my head. Shit, Mikey, I love you more than anything, but I think… I think I love him too; you know?” And the thing is, Mike thinks he does know, now that Eddie has said it out loud. He knows exactly what Eddie is saying, because as much as he has tried to push it down, Mike feels the same way.

Maybe that’s what shook him so much about what Eddie said. Not that Eddie had fallen for someone else, but that in the back of his mind, Mike knew he had too.

“I know.” He whispers.

“You know?” Eddie whispers back.

“Me too.”

“You too?”

Eddie breaks out into a smile so wide Mike laughs before he launches himself back into Mike’s arms. The impact of all of Eddie’s weight colliding with his makes Mike stumble back into their bedroom, back into each other.

After a few minutes of hugging in relief, finally able to breathe without the weight of a secret on their chests, Eddie pulls back. This time, his cheeks are a happy pink, and his red lips are split in a grin.

“Bill too?” He asks.

Mike has to think about his answer. Yes, he loved Bill. Probably the same way he loved Eddie, but when Eddie was explaining the way he felt, it wasn’t Bill that popped up in Mike’s mind. Rather, it wasn’t _only_ Bill.

It had been all of them. All six members of the Losers Club came to mind when Mike thought of being in love with someone besides Eddie. And yes, Bill had probably been the first, but over time he grew to love them all. It just took Eddie saying it, for Mike to realize he was _in _love with all of them.

“Bill too,” He starts, and he really hopes it doesn’t scare Eddie off, but continues anyway, “But I think… I think I’m in love with all of them, all of you I mean, you know?”

Eddie’s smile doesn’t drop a bit. If anything, it grows wider.

“I know.” He whispers.

“You know?” Mike whispers back.

“Me too.”

“You too?” Eddie doesn’t answer, just brings Mike back in for a hug.

Later, with Eddie between Mike’s legs, giving him the most enthusiastic blowjob he thinks he’s ever received; Mike closes his eyes and pictures the losers. 

He imagines running his hands through Bev’s hair as she stares up at him.

He can practically hear all of the dirty talking Richie would do.

He tries to keep his hips still because Stan would kill him if he fucked his mouth without warning.

He pictures holding one of Ben’s hands as the other jerks him off.

He sees Bill on his knees, taking everything Mike wants to give him.

And Eddie, Eddie is right there when he opens his eyes. It’s perfect. 

Mike pictures them all when he comes. He pictures them after, while he and Eddie lay together in bed. He doesn’t stop picturing them for the rest of the night, even in his dreams.

Stan is pissed the entire car ride home. He can tell Richie is too. It always happens when they hang out with Bill together. They leave the house the same, happy couple they usually are and come back in the biggest argument they’ve had since the last time they hung out with Bill.

Last time, Richie called Stan neurotic, and that set them off for the rest of the day. (In Richie’s defense, Stan did spend five minutes yelling at him for not using a coaster at someone else’s house, even though Bill was the one who told him he didn’t need one in the first place.)

The time before that, Stan made an offhand comment about Richie being a slob that resulted in a screaming match on their stoop. (In Stan’s defense, Richie had left at least three different rings on Bill’s coffee table from his soda can, even though there were definitely coasters within reach.)

And the time before that, the two of them had spent practically the whole day bickering back and forth over absolutely nothing. (In both of their defenses, whenever Bill watched them argue, he got this unique look on his face, somewhere between annoyed and enamored that both Stan and Richie were addicted to. Not that either of them would ever admit it.)

Today was no different. The two of them had gotten to Bill’s place and immediately started the bickering. And the bickering turned to an argument. And the argument turned into a fight. And when the fight got too big for Bill to handle, he sent them packing like he always did.

“Why do you always pick fights when we’re over at Bill’s?” Stan calls when Richie walks straight in their front door, not even slowing down long enough to take off his shoes. Stan makes a mental note that he’ll have to bring the carpet cleaner up from the basement, he can practically see the dirt from Richie’s gross chucks on the pristine cream carpet.

Richie turns to face Stan incredulously, “_I’m _the one picking fights, Staniel? C’mon.”

“Yeah, you are. The second we step foot in his apartment, you start acting like a kindergartener, doing everything but pulling my fucking pigtails to get attention.”

Richie’s face scrunches up in anger. Stan knows his face is doing the same thing. It always fucking comes to this. They can’t be around just Bill without a fight breaking out. In the back of his mind, Stan knows why, but he wants Richie to admit it first.

“If I wanted your fucking attention, I wouldn’t wait until we were around Bill to get it.” Richie says between grit teeth.

“It’s not my attention you want.” Stan bites back.

Richie looks confused for a second, and Stan thinks he might just say out loud what Stan’s known for months, but the confusion leaves as quick as it came and Richie schools his face back into an angry expression.

“You think I pick fights because I want Bill’s attention?” Richie says it like he thinks the idea is stupid, but Stan can hear the guilt in his words. It would make Stan laugh in triumph if it didn’t break his heart as much as it does.

“I don’t _think_ you do,” He says, crossing his arms over his chest, “I know you do.” He’s trying to stay haughty. If he can seem aloof and sneering, Richie won’t see the insecurity flowing through him, alighting him from the inside out with embarrassment.

“Why the hell would I want Big Bill’s attention so bad?” Richie’s voice is steady, but his angry mask is starting to slip. He knows that Stan knows. And he still won’t just say it.

Fine, Stan will.

“Because you,” Stan points a finger straight at Richie, “have a crush on him.” It hurts to say. It hurts even more to know it’s true. But Stan is surer of this fact than he is of his and Richie’s standing right now.

Richie watches Bill; He stares at him like he wants him so bad he can hardly take it. Stan recognizes the look because it used to be the one Richie gave him. And the way Richie listens to Bill, hanging on every word. It was the way Richie listened to Stan, the way he still does, when Bill’s not around.

That’s the worst part, Stan thinks. Everything is fine when it’s just the two of them. Stan loves Richie so much he can’t breathe. Richie loves Stan so much he’d give Stan the air in his lungs so that he can. They’re pretty much perfect.

Richie’s mouth opens and closes over and over so many times Stan almost tells him that he looks like a fish. He looks like he wants to say something to rebut Stan, but he can’t come up with a lie Stan won’t see through right away. After a few more seconds, Richie closes his mouth and rolls his eyes.

“Every time you point a finger there’s four pointing right back at yourself, dude.” It’s Stan’s turn to roll his eyes. Is Richie serious right now?

“Stop acting like a kid, Richie. And there’s only three fingers point back at you.”

Richie points at Stan, then counts the fingers pointing back at himself. If they weren’t fighting, it would be endearing to Stan. But they are fighting, so it’s still endearing, but he wishes it wasn’t.

“Irregardless,”

“Regardless,” Stan corrects. Richie rolls his eyes again.

“_Regardless_, you get what I’m saying. If I have a crush on Bill, then you’re absolutely fucking in love with him.” Stan feels himself going pale. It isn’t like he hadn’t thought of Bill in that way before. Hell, during puberty he’d thought of all of the losers that way. Well… If Stan is really honest, he’d never stopped thinking of all the Losers that way… But they aren’t talking about him. And Richie is the one that picks fights… Though Stan would admit, only under oath or fear of bodily harm, that he too has pushed some of Richie’s buttons while around Bill.

Richie must see the change on his face because he breaks out into a douchey grin Stan wants to smack off his face.

“I fucking knew it.” He says, making Stan seriously consider knocking his glasses off his face and pulling his hair like they’re eleven again.

“You don’t know shit.”

“I totally know. I know fucking everything about you, Stanley. Oooooh, you’ve got the hots for Bill.” Richie takes a few steps closer to Stan, which he probably wouldn’t if he knew how close Stan was to socking him.

“You do too.” It sounds childish. Stan cringes the moment it’s out of his mouth, especially when Richie’s grin gets wider, which Stan didn’t think could happen.

“So you admit it? You’re in looooooveee with our buddy Billy?”

“That’s not what I said.” Stan’s cheeks must be beet red with how hot they are.

“Ah, just admit it Stan.” He doesn’t know how Richie’s still being like this.

He’s making this all a joke, like both of them being in love with their shared best friend isn’t the weirdest fucking thing in the universe. It’s embarrassing, and awkward, and they definitely can never say anything about it to Bill or anyone else, so why the hell would Stan even admit it, but Richie is looking at him so hopefully and encouragingly that Stan thinks he just might…

“You first.” His voice is smaller than he intended, but Richie hears him. Richie needs to say it first. Stan needs him to be the one to admit it. Because if things go wrong and everything is weird for the rest of their lives, at least Stan can look back at this moment and remember that he was not the one that ruined everything by being the first to say it out loud.

“Fine.” Richie closes the few remaining feet of space between them, grabbing Stan by his shoulders like he’s about to say something that’ll change both of their lives for good. Stan supposes that he is. 

“I have a big, fat, huge, stupid crush on Bill Denbrough.” He says seriously, making the most intense, serious eye contact Stan has ever seen from Richie. “Your turn.”

Stan nods and swallows. “… Me too.”

“You too? That’s it?” Richie laughs incredulously, but he doesn’t look mad, the look on his face closer to fond.

Stan nods again, smiling, “Me too.”

“God, I fucking love you.” Stan doesn’t have time to respond before Richie pulls him in by the shoulders and kisses him. The angle is a little off and the hands on his shoulders are a bit weird, but Stan feels better than he has in a while.

“Me too.” He says when Richie finally pulls back. Richie pulls him back into another kiss and Stan laughs against his mouth. This is them. This is good. This is how it was meant to be. Except, there’s still a small weight on Stan’s chest. There’s still one secret he hasn’t let go of; or four, depending on how you look at it.

“What’s wrong, Stanley?” Richie says against his mouth. And Stan wants to say it, he really does, but this time he can’t blame it on Richie. If he says what he feels, and everything after that is messed up, it’s his fault.

Stan shakes his head.

Richie’s hands on his shoulders move up to cup his face. He pulls back and looks into Stan’s eyes again. Not judgmental, just concerned.

Stan takes a few breaths, in and out. In and out. In and out.

“I don’t think that I only have feelings for Bill.” Stan waits for Richie to recoil. He braces for Richie to step back and tell him how disgusting and horrible he is. Nothing happens.

Richie’s face gives nothing away, but his eyes well with tears. Stan can feel his knees shake, threatening to make him collapse.

“Me too.” He says finally. Stan basks in the relief. He doesn’t even need to say who. There’s no question in his mind they’re thinking of the same people.

“That’s all you have to say, Trashmouth? You too?” Stan teases. Richie laughs, wet and happy, and presses his forehead against Stan’s.

“Yeah, Staniel. Me too.”

Beverly Marsh knows when people stare. She’s always been able to sense it. She knows when people stare at her. She knows when people stare at Ben. And right now, she definitely knows what Ben is staring at.

The two of them sit at the beach, underneath a big umbrella as the rest of their group plays in the water. And Ben’s eyes, unsurprisingly, are trained on Bill. It’s been that way a lot, lately. Sure, sometimes she catches Ben staring at the other Losers, but his eyes always find their way back to Bill.

She doesn’t blame him either, Bill has always been captivating. He walks with confidence, his smile is sweeter than sugar, and baseball definitely does well in toning the man’s body. His hair is nice and shiny, his eyes are bluer than the ocean and easier to drown in, and Bev is sure any random person off the street could wax poetry about his legs. For lack of a deeper, more encapsulating word, Bill is beautiful.

Which is why Bev doesn’t blame Ben for looking at him so much. She just finds it a bit curious. Ben used to avert his eyes in courtesy whenever any of them got dressed to not make them uncomfortable, but here he is now, staring away.

It makes her giggle.

“What are you laughing at Ms. Marsh?” Ben finally takes his eyes off Bill to fix Bev with curious look.

“Just your mancrush on Bill.”

“My what?” Ben laughs, turning his whole body to face her. It makes Beverly laugh harder. God, he’s so cute. She loves him so fucking much.

“Your very obvious mancrush on one Bill Denbrough.”

“Again. My what?”

Bev knocks her shoulder playfully into Ben’s, “You know… When a dude, like you, has a crush on another dude, like Bill.”

“Isn’t that just called a crush?” Ben asks. He’s not actually curious, Bev knows, he’s playing dumb. Maybe to fuck with her, but also maybe, possibly, to say something without actually saying it.

“It can be…” She plays along. “But mancrush is specifically for friends.”

“So which one was it?” Ben asks, the playfulness in his voice fading faster with each word.

“Hmm?” Bev closes her eyes, though she isn’t sure Ben could see if they were open or not through her sunglasses anyway.

“Were you laughing at my mancrush on Bill?... Or just my crush?” Bev can feel Ben staring at her. It warms her. His eyes are the only pair that’s ever stared at her and not once made her feel uncomfortable.

“Depends.” She says.

“On what?” Ben is still staring. Bev doesn’t need to open her eyes to know that. He’s watching her, probably with the sweetest, insecure look on his face. She can’t bring herself to open her eyes again though. She doesn’t even really know what’s stopping her… but she has some ideas.

It could just be that she doesn’t want to look in Ben’s eyes as he says he has feelings for someone that isn’t her. It could be the fact that when they finally meet eyes, he’ll see a secret she’s keeping too. It could be that her secret is almost the same as Ben’s. It could be that her secret is just a bit worse, and even though she thinks he might feel the same way, what if he doesn’t? It could be all of those things. It probably is.

Okay, it definitely is.

“Depends on if you _have_ a mancrush… or just a crush.”

“And if I have just a regular crush? What then?” Ben holds his breath, waiting for Bev to say something back. She hears the way his breath stops right after the phrase and doesn’t start again until she reaches up, slides her sunglasses to the top of her head, and looks him in the eye.

She sees the truth before she even gets to hear it.

“Then… Me too.” She watches as he braces for her to say something awful, then go slack as the shock registers. It would make her laugh again, if she was just a bit less anxious about what comes next.

“You too?” He asks.

She nods, “Me too…” She sits up and crosses her legs. This is the time. If she’s going to say it, it needs to be now, and she’s going to say it because if she doesn’t, she’ll have missed her chance. “And something else.”

Ben shifts so that he and Bev are sitting right across from one another, looking into each other’s eyes, completely bared.

“What else?” He asks when they’ve both been still for a while. Bev breaks eye contact and looks down at the blanket, so much sand has gotten on it, it makes her wonder briefly if it was even worth it to bring.

“I have a crush on Bill… and Richie… and Stan… and Eddie… and Mike.” Bev keeps her head down as she says it. She tries to count all of the grains of sand on the blanket. She feels Ben’s stare. It burns in a way it never has, it’s probably the shame.

“Me too.” Ben says when he finally speaks.

“You too?” Her head snaps up to meet Ben’s stare. He’s nods shyly while smiling and she’s so glad she said it. Ben feels the same way. Him too. It’s so perfect. He’s so perfect. She can’t help herself.

She throws herself into him, pushing him onto his back so she can crawl on top and kiss him. She always knew Ben was perfect for her, and now they have this too. It doesn’t matter if none of the rest of them feel the same way, the two of them do, and that’s enough for her. She loves Ben so goddamn much, even as he kisses her back passionately, she wonders if he loves her the same amount.

She doesn’t think he does. Not because he doesn’t love her a lot. Beverly knows she’s the shining sun in Ben’s universe, but if she’s the sun, her love is gravity, infinitely stronger, keeping him forever in her orbit.

“Ewww! Bev and Ben are dry humping on the beach blanket!” Richie’s voice says from behind them. Bev throws the finger up behind her, and pulls slowly away from Ben.

“Come on, guys. That is totally unsanitary. We were supposed to eat lunch on that.” Eddie calls. Bev shares one last look with Ben before climbing off him and giving him a hand back into a sitting position. She sits down next to him and slides her sunglasses back onto her head without a word to Eddie or Richie. Ben doesn’t say anything either, and the five of them still in the water shrug it off and go back to dicking around.

Ben goes back to staring at Bill, unsurprisingly, and Bev finds she can’t stop herself from looking now, either. Now that they’ve both said it, both admitted their shared feelings for him, it’s hard to see him as just a friend again. Now, she sees him the way she did when they were thirteen: he’s hers, but doesn’t know it yet.

She knows they both see it, then, when Richie holds on to Bill’s hand a little too long while blocking him from pushing him over during a game of chicken.

“Did you see that?” Ben asks, not breaking away from what they’re both watching.

“Yep.”

“Just checking.”

She also knows they both notice when Eddie’s entire face goes red when Bill lays a sloppy kiss on his cheek after they finally succeed in toppling over Richie and Stan.

“You see that?” She asks, even though she knows he did.

“Yeah.” Ben’s voice is excited, Bev is too.

And Beverly Marsh has never been so sure that they both notice the same thing when, after the game is done and they’re all heading out of the water toward the two of them, Bill walks a few feet behind both of the couples, arms wrapped around himself and shivering, even under the beating heat of the afternoon sun.

“Did you—” they cut each other off. They definitely both saw that.

Later, when they’re back alone at home, Ben asks Beverly what they should do about it.

“I’m not sure… but we’re sure as fuck doing something.”

Bill drives home from the beach with sand in his trunks, sunburn on his nose, and six identical cracks in his heart.

The six of them are all happy, coupled off with the perfect people for them, and Bill… Well, he isn’t exactly alone. They’re all his friends, his best friends, and he has all of them separately like that. But that isn’t what he wants. He wants them all, and he wants them together.

He wants to wake up to the sounds of Stan cleaning the house on a Sunday morning.

He wants to go on runs every morning with Eddie.

He wants to go to Richie’s shows, and to sit next to him at his book signings.

He wants to be at the launch of Bev’s designs, holding her hand and kissing her when she gets nervous.

He wants to hold Ben at night and feel him holding him back.

He wants to tell Mike he loves him, and for Mike to say, ‘you too’.

He wants all of them, but he can’t have any of them.

He almost says no when he gets a text from Ben letting him know that he and Bev are having a game night at their place and everyone else is coming. The beach today had been bad enough, and he doesn’t think he’s ready for another group outing so soon. But Bill can’t help himself, he tells Ben he’ll come, and spends the next few days sure he’d made a mistake.

He’s the last person to show up at Ben and Bev’s house that night. The rest of them are already sitting on the living room floor, passing snacks and laughing amongst themselves. It makes Bill want to turn around on his heel and walk back to his car and go home. He can’t deal with this, watching them having fun, all coupled up.

It had fine before, for years Bill was able to stomach being around them. But now something’s different. His center of gravity has shifted, and unlike before, where he’d felt a pull towards the rest of them, it feels like he’s hurtling toward them and the only way to stop him from crashing and blowing everything up is to go in the opposite direction, away from them.

“Are you gonna keep standing there like a weirdo or are you gonna sit?” Bev’s voice shakes Bill from his thoughts. His cheeks warm a bit, but he ignores it and sits down in between Mike and Stan in the circle they’ve formed. There had been a bigger space between Richie and Stan, but Bill was definitely not going to split up the couple, so he squeezed in.

“So, for game night Ben and I thought we’d bring it way back.” Bev announces once he’s settled, and Bill can’t help but stare at the way her hand is linked with Ben’s, holding onto each other without a thought, like it’s just in their nature. He looks to the left to drive his eyes away, and sees Stan and Richie lazily stretching their legs, their feet resting against each other’s, Bill blanches. He jerks his head right to avoid looking at it for even a second longer just to see Eddie leaning in comfortably to Mike’s chest. Frustrated, Bill looks at his hands. He needs to fucking get out of here.

He knew coming was a bad idea.

“We’re playing truth or dare!” Fuck. Coming was definitely a bad fucking idea.

“Are we back in eighth grade or something? Truth or dare?” Count on Stan to put a stop to this stupid idea, Bill thought, but when he looked over to nod in agreement, Stan was smiling. Jesus, he was actually on board and only pretending to be exasperated. Bill really was fucked.

“I told you guys, way back.” Bev and Stan share a smile. Bill wants that. Which is weird, because Stan and Bev aren’t even together, but the way they look at each other looks warm and intimate in a way that Bill hasn’t ever seen platonic friends look at each other.

“Who starts?” Eddie asks.

“Since you asked, why don’t you?” Ben says from his place leaning back onto the couch.

“Alright…. Bill,” Shit “Truth or dare?” Shit.

“Truth.” It comes out before Bill can think about the repercussions of his answer, and when he looks at Eddie, wide eyed and afraid at the question, Eddie grins mischievously. That little shit.

“Have you ever had liked more than one person at once?” Bill can all but feel a bead of sweat roll down his forehead. He wipes at it, but there’s nothing there.

He opens his mouth to lie, to say that he hasn’t because it’s easier than telling the truth and to inevitably be asked who it was and that leading to him having to confess the secret he’s been keeping to himself for nearly ten years.

“Don’t even think about lying, either.” Bev says, and for a second he thinks that she must know. He stares at her, she stares back.

“Y-yes.” He admits. Six pairs of eyes stare back at him, expecting him to elaborate. He doesn’t. His heart is in his throat, and his heart is beating so fast he’s sure they can all hear it, but when it becomes clear he isn’t going to say anything, they let it go and then it’s Bill’s turn to ask someone.

Bill takes a breath to collect himself, then turns his head to his right, “Mike. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Truthfully, Bill doesn’t even really have any ideas, but he wants his turn over and done with.

“Uh… I dare you to swap clothes with B-b-bev.” It’s not a good one, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not Bill’s turn anymore, and the attention is off of him. When the two of them come back, Bev swimming in Mike’s clothes, and Mike showing off a not entirely small strip of skin between the too small shirt and the too short sweatpants, the game continues. Bill relaxes further with each turn. It even starts to get fun.

Mike dares Richie to spend the rest of the game in Ben’s lap.

Richie asks Bev which one of them she’d choose to be stranded on a desert island with. “Definitely Stan,” she says, sharing that very same smile with him “He was a boy scout.”

Bev dares Ben to only speak in a Russian accent for the next three turns.

Ben, in his horrible Russian accent, asks Stan if he’d rather live with Mike or Eddie for the rest of his life. “Eddie. But only because I know our house would always be clean.”

Stan looks between Bill and Eddie for a few moments. Bill hopes he goes to Eddie. He doesn’t know if he can go through another turn. It’s been so fun just watching.

“Bill,” If Bill was a praying man, right about now he’d be asking God what he did to deserve this, “Truth or dare?”

If Bill says truth, he knows Stan’s going to ask who the people he liked at the same time were, so he doesn’t even consider the fact that the dare might be infinitely worse before he’s said it.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss everyone in the room.” Bill can’t even look at Stan, he’s so embarrassed. He averts his eyes and, damn it, he should’ve looked down instead of straight ahead because now he’s watching Ben and Bev whispering excitedly to each other, smiling. That’s when he realizes.

This is a set up. They know. They must. He doesn’t know how, maybe he was more obvious than he thought, but they definitely know. The six of them organized a game night just to fuck with him. He needs to get out. He needs to leave.

He stands up without a word. He can’t believe they would do this. They’re his friends. He didn’t think they would ever be like this, even if they did find out. But there’s no other explanation, first the question and then the dare, Ben and Bev’s excited whispering like they were talking about him. It couldn’t have been a coincidence.

He’s almost to the door when a hand grabs his wrist. Bill tugs it back to himself and looks back at who tried to stop him. Stan stands behind him, if Bill didn’t know otherwise, he’d say he looked scared.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out. It was just a joke.” God, he admitted it. This was all a fucking big joke. Ha! Very funny, let’s make fun of our friend who’s in love with all of us. Hilarious.

“Y-y-you think this is funny? You knew I have feelings for all of you an-an-and you decide to make it into a b-b-b-b-big joke?!” Bill blows up. He really can’t be here anymore. How could they? His friends of almost ten years, how could they do something so fucking cruel?

Bill only makes it a few steps before Stan catches his arm again.

“Wait! You what?”

Bill thinks about punching him. He hasn’t ever actually hit one of them before, but Stan is being a dick right now, playing dumb. They all are. Instead, he yanks his arm free once more and takes the final steps to the door, but just when he starts to open it, he’s slammed with his back up against it.

He raises his arms to push Stan away from him, but before he can, Stan’s mouth is on his. Stan is kissing him. Stan’s mouth is on Bill’s as he pins him against the door of their friend’s house in front of said friends and Stan’s boyfriend.

Bill doesn’t kiss back, at first from the shock, and then from fear that Stan is going to pull away and laugh at him if he does. Stan doesn’t let that fly. He cups Bill’s face and rubs up and down his jaw, coaxing Bill until he lets his jaw drop a bit and Stan’s tongue slides into his mouth.

Bill can’t stop himself. He has to kiss back; it may be his only opportunity to do this and he’s wasted it thus far. He wraps his arms around Stan’s neck and kisses back just as fiercely as Stan is kissing him. It’s incredible, addictive, cathartic, the best thing Bill’s ever felt, and over entirely too soon.

It had really only been a few minutes, but if Stan had kissed Bill forever it still wouldn’t have been long enough.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Stan says, pulling back a little, and he gives Bill a smile, but not just any smile, _the_ smile. The lovely smile Stan gives to Richie, and that Bill had seen him give to Bev earlier.

“Me too.” Bill smiles back.

“Now that you guys are done, I think I remember the dare being to kiss all of us, not just make out with Stan for five minutes.” Eddie says from behind them, Bill almost can’t believe it.

It wasn’t all a joke. When he looks around the room, Bill sees nothing but excitement and hope on all of their faces.

He wants to ask, ‘you too?’ to all of them, but he’s pretty sure by the way they’re looking at him, the answer will be yes, them too. 

Bill looks back at Stan for a moment, raising an eyebrow that he hopes conveys all ten thousand questions running through his mind. Stan shrugs and steps back to gesture to the rest of the group sitting on the ground, strangely enough, Bill thinks that pretty much covers it.

He approaches Eddie first, kneeling on the ground next to him. Bill can’t believe this is happening. He’s half sure he’s dreaming this all up until Eddie gets right in his face, noses touching and everything and says.

“What are you waiting for?”

Bill doesn’t have an answer, so he presses his lips against Eddie’s instead. Kissing Eddie isn’t like what Bill had thought it would be. Eddie isn’t as forceful or jumpy as he’d predicted, and it’s nice. Bill thinks his lips might bruise from Stan’s attack, but Eddie’s kiss is soothing, and Bill could lose himself in it. When Eddie pulls back, Bill feels sleepy and drunk.

Bill starts to back up, but Eddie reaches out and brings him back down again, this time more like what Bill thought it would be, too hard, too much teeth, too fast, somehow, too perfect.

The second time he let’s go, it’s for real, and Bill shuffles over to Mike. It’s so weird. He’s going to kiss all six of his friends, the six people he’s been in love with for years, six people that are in relationships with each other already.

“Don’t overthink it.” Mike whispers, just to Bill. The room is silent, and Bill is sure they all heard, but it feels like it’s just between the two of them. He nods. Mike pulls Bill in by the back of his neck and Bill shivers when he feels Mike’s fingers curling in the short hairs at his nape.

“K-k-kiss me.” He whispers back. Mike does. He doesn’t waste any time; the kiss is deep from the moment their mouths meet. It isn’t fast, or hard, or anything like that, though, just deep. Passionate. Bill can taste Mike’s longing on his tongue, the way it mixes with Bill’s own and sour unrequited feelings turn into sweet, heady want.

Bill isn’t shocked at the whine he lets out when Mike finally breaks the kiss, but that doesn’t stop him from being embarrassed. But Mike smiles at him, and it makes Bill forget to be anything but in love with him.

Next is Ben, and Bill is crawling into his lap before he even realizes how desperate he must look. Ben’s kiss is exactly how Bill had pictured it, in the most perfect of ways. He’s gentle, and starts slow, letting Bill set the pace. He holds Bill close to himself and Bill thinks, if he had to spend the rest of his life anywhere, it’d be wrapped in Ben’s arms. Ben’s kisses can be described the same way he can: lovely, sweet, and surprisingly poetic.

When Ben and Bill split from one another, Bill looks at Beverly to see her already staring at him. They’d kissed before, but never as adults. It hasn’t changed it all. A bit awkward at first, but not enough that either of them want to pull away, and when they find their rhythm it’s perfect. Kissing your first love again, after so much time has passed, is incredibly overwhelming, especially when you’re realizing that even in your time apart, you still loved each other.

“Saved the best for last, huh Big Bill?” Richie says, before Bill has even had enough time to turn around and face him.

Stan rolls his eyes and elbows Richie in the side, making an apologetic face to Bill. The three of them laugh. Richie and Bill are still smiling when their lips meet for the first time. Bill wonders if this is just how Richie kisses because most of the kisses him and Stan share in public start that way too. Both of them smiling into the kiss.

Slowly, the smiles fall, and that’s when the kiss really begins. Bill lets Richie take total control. He opens his mouth to Richie’s tongue, and just basks in it all. This has been the best night of his life, and this is one of the best kisses he’s ever had. Well, top six for sure.

Richie’s kiss lasts the longest too, Bill’s almost positive it’s just so Richie can have that over Stan. When it ends, Bill can’t help but wonder if maybe that’s the end of it all. He’d finishes the dare. He’d kissed them all. What if that was it?

Bill always liked truth or dare when they were younger, but now he’s sure it’s his favorite game. Even if it never happens again, he now knows what it’s like to be kissed by all of them.

“W-w-w-what happens now?” Bill sits cross legged on the ground and addresses them all. They all look around, as if trying to find one definitive answer.

“I think…” Ben starts, then stops.

“I think what happens next is all of us.” Mike says.

“Together?” Bill hears the hope in his voice, and can see it on all of their faces. The dare may have been just for Bill to kiss each of them, but he can see now how much everyone also wants a piece of all of the others.

“Together.” The rest of them say in unison. It would be a bit weird, if Bill wasn’t so profoundly, uncaringly, happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read! Give me kudos/comments because I am asking for them and have fragile self esteem (haha jk... unless)
> 
> Also, check out my other poly!losers fics and a special thanks to poly-losers-club/the_angry_pixie for hosting the poly!losers exchange, truly doing the lords work!


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